This will be my last and final ‘Hoorah’ for 2012. I bid thee farewell and please do not drink and drive. Why? It’s fucking dumb and who wants to be fucking dumb? Well, maybe Dipshidiot and Alice/Brittany, but let’s just say for the sake of now they don’t count. Now to let bygones be motherfucking bygones. I hope you enjoy. See you in 2013, lovelies.
My blog has been raped by http://adjournalblog.wordpress.com (so inconspicuous). He’s liked almost my entire blog and we just say I am none too happy. Anyone know how to report this? I’ve spammed all his comments, but I have a feeling spam doesn’t do much.
I really am annoyed. Royally.
This writing prompt couldn’t come at any more weird* of a time. December 19th will mark the 13th un-anniversary to this.
I’m going to take it a step further by adding this will be something I will never tell my mom. She knows I blog, she knows I am very open, but since she has shown no interest in reading, if she ever does – this one will be buried so I have no worries.
A couple of weeks or so ago you asked me a very difficult question. You asked why I didn’t tell you about the event that occurred until years later. You asked why I didn’t report it even bringing up the fact that you would have because you always think of “what if it happens to another?”. You said had I told you you would have gone after the little fucker. I was able to easily come up with how you always think if you were ever raped or attacked in any way, you’d tell, you’d report it — but in actuality, sometimes you can’t find your voice to report it, to tell. Telling my best friend was hard. She was the first person I told that morning after it happened because she was with me and I felt so disgusting I needed to spew it out. You picked me up from the house we were at and when I got in the car you were spitting nails because you were so mad I’d lied to you and you were up all night worrying. I started to tell you and you said to me, “That’s what you get for going places you don’t belong and hanging out with people you shouldn’t be.”
So, no. I didn’t hide it from you then. I didn’t try to keep it to myself. I tried to tell you. That is something you will never know. The major reasons being I wouldn’t want to hurt you and I know you’d deny it. I don’t place blame on you, but when you’re 14 and after something that damaging happens to you and a person says you deserved it. It’s hard.
*This is the 19th prompt written on the 14th day in the month of December. December 19th is when the incident took place. Yesterday was the 13th of December and it was yesterday I told my friend who was with me that night what my mom said to me. The event was 13 years ago and I was 14 years old.
- Fuck You, Rape Culture (jezebel.com)
You’re sick. You’re sick in the head and I can see it. I see it and it makes me sick. Writing this now makes me feel like I need to hurl, but I refuse to hurl over you. You’re not worth this Ode. You’re not worth the bars on your cell. You’re not worth the shit on the floor. I hope you’re enjoying those sexual favors you’re giving and receiving. You deserve a good ass rape. It takes a punk little boy with daddy issues to have to knock around women to feel powerful. To feel in control. You have no control. That’s why you do what you do. You manipulate. You’re a user. You abuse and mistreat.
Alice doesn’t deserve the treatment you will give her when it is time you deem she take it. But let me say that Alice is no better. She’s better than you, but she’s no better than the choices she makes and the choice she had made is seeing you. Seeing you even though I have shown her all the truths. All the truths you masked, but unmasked with your name — have you not heard of Google or County Criminal/Court Records. The evidence really of what I picked up the moment I heard her talking with you. The moment I laid my eyes on you. The moment you looked at me from the couch and I saw. I saw in your eyes all I needed to see and I dug in my heels and my view of you didn’t budge. I knew you were wicked. Your eyes validated you were demented. Your demeanor and temper just bubbling beneath. What I didn’t know then, but found soon after is that you knew before you met me that I had no use for you. I knew you were bad news before I knew what you looked like. Alice even told you before we were ever in person, that I had dubbed you. I dubbed you Dipshidiot. I wasn’t intimidated and that you could see so the next time we met you had to change your tactics.
You weaved the webs of the same shit deceit that Alice had empathized and ate up so quick. Apparently one day on your birthday you came home early from a job you had in the Bahamas. Only to find your wife in bed with your best friend whom was the best man in your wedding. Boo-hoo. You lost everything; your boat, your house, and your kid. Your reaction was quick as you beat your best friend to an inch of his life and had to pay well over $63,000 in medical bills. Well I am not Alice, I have smarts, you beat anyone like that and Prison is where you end up. Do you find me dumb that
when you tell me if you could do it over you would have killed them both, and say this with such malice then only moments later ask me why women go back to the men who abuse, I would not pick up that you are a scumbag douche? There was no best friend or affair or such, just the fact you beat your wife and ended up with a restraining order 2 days before you met Alice.
But it’s OK because I relinquish Alice since she’s a grown woman and has the right to choose you over her kids. You win, aren’t you happy? You have a new punching bag that will cower to you now. Just in time for Christmas! I’m washing my hands of this.
- If you go chasing rabbits & you know you’re going to fall (combatbabe.com)
- Through the Looking Glass (combatbabe.com)
- Leaving a Bad Taste in my Mouth (combatbabe.com)
- Dipshidiot? Is There a Dipshidiot in the House? (combatbabe.com)
- Secret Asian (Agent) Woman (Man) (combatbabe.com)
Are the first words I saw amongst the rest that are in the search. I know it’s silly. I know it’s just a game. I know I shouldn’t probably even bother with a post on it, but it’s under my skin. I like to think it’s hard to get under my skin, but truly it’s not. Once I let you in, it’s a revolving door. Just last night Dipshidiot, again, succeeded into getting under mine. He’d written a postcard to Alice with a PS attached to it saying, “Hello, Sarah… I know you are getting the mail…” That went so under my skin my natural thought that came forth was, “Hello, Dipshidiot. I’d really love to take a metal baseball bat to your head…” Obviously I wouldn’t really do that since I just told you about it. Talk about throwing myself under the bus. As much as we all like to think we are anonymous on the internet, we really aren’t. The right person makes the right search and that’s it. What really does it is the same reason that motivated him to do so. He purposefully wrote on one of those flimsy detention facility postcards so I could read it. Alice obviously told him I’d be watching Dobby (dog) while she and her family were away at Disney World. She tells him everything. Everything I say about him goes back to him. His court date is the 12th. I cannot wait to find out the verdict. I want him sentenced. I want to be able to write a letter to him. One may ask why waste my time? Because I want him to know everything I know about him and I want the jail to read it. I’m sure they all know about it, but it might be a little refreshing for them to not have to read the usual sappy shit-coated love letter on how he is Alice’s sun, moon, and stars. Gag.
I am frustrated that love was first. I am frustrated that love was a contender. Maybe because Alice and Dipshidiot taint that word. I don’t think Alice knows how to love. I think she is looking at Dipshidiot to take care of her financially. My last relationship, I honestly cannot say if there was love. I think my ex will continue to date and have relationships, but I think he likes his bachelorhood more. He’s almost 40 and has never been married which I’m not saying is bad at all. I’m saying from what I got from him in our relationship was that he wasn’t the type to settle down. He may find the right girl and do just that; never say never. Just what I got from him. If I could put my current feelings into a song lyric and with that same lyric sum up my last relationship from both points of view it would be Nirvana’s:
Love myself, better than you. I know it’s wrong, what should I do?
I could be wrong. I could want love in my life. I just don’t want it now. I’mma do me all by myself.
Money? Notorious BIG’s mo’ money, mo’ problems comes to mind. I like being comfortable. Paying my bills. Affording what I need and some things I want. I don’t want a lot though. I’m used to living on the minimalist side (nice way of saying poor) and usually I will want something and the minute I see I cannot afford it, I’ll move on. Most of the time I’ll forget I ever wanted it. I’m also highly unorganized so my shit is everywhere and I’ll lose stuff and not remember I had it until I get a wild hair to pick up and organize and I’ll find it. I’m far from materialistic and I think it’s due to being without money and the fact I was robbed once. You don’t miss what you’ve never had. I’m also afraid if I had more money, I’d be more frivolous and end up not having money to pay my bills. Mo’ money, mo’ problems. Amen.
Intelligence. I love just the word intelligence. I find it to be the highest paying compliment. I’m sure there’s a quote somewhere on how beauty fades, but intelligence doesn’t. In this world even the least judgmental person will judge another’s looks. It’s natural and if you can’t admit that you do it, you’re only fooling yourself. If I see a person and think not so highly of them visually and then we talk and they speak with intelligence, their flaws begin to fade. It’s their personality, how they talk, their usage of words, their knowledge on anything and everything, how they carry themselves. So, yes, that is the one I can agree on the most.
I forget where I got this. I apologize and if it originates from you or you were part of the chain of bloggers that posted this, feel free to comment or email me.