Ian is an interesting friend to say the least. I originally met him when I was about 17 or 18 because my best friend was dating his pot dealer. She is now married to that retired pot dealer and we are no longer best friends. But this is not about that nor is this about her.

Years go by and I never hear about ’Endo’ again. Until late summer, early fall of 2011. I am hanging out with this sleazy kid L.J — long story — and he wants to go to Endo’s house. Endo?? I think I know this kid. It rings bells. Endo introduces himself to me as Ian. There seems to be this ongoing thing where guys I hear about who are known to everybody as some nickname introduce themselves to me with their proper name. So I am one of the few people besides his mom to call Ian by his name and not his longtime street name.

Ian and I become friends and LJ goes off the Richter because he’s insane and a huge drug user so I stop hanging with him and hang out with a less dangerous kind of crazy Ian. I start crushing on Ian. He’s smart, a little ridiculous… OK a lot ridiculous and interestingly funny. He’s a charmer, and a Libra like myself so it only comes naturally. He’s also a bit of a lush which is usually not my thing, but he’s awesome when he’s sober.

He decides he needs a new horizon so he’s moving to Cali. Apparently he’s going to “legally” cultivate marijuana and make some good money. A few months ago he gets busted and arrested for illegally cultivating marijuana and stealing power. He’s in jail. So a couple of weeks ago I am like what the hell, I haven’t talked to his punkass in a while, let me go ahead and buy him some minutes and see if he really remembers me. He calls me and he remembers me. Shockingly enough. So we are talking and he ends up telling me this story…

He has an ex-sugar mama (she calls herself his ex girlfriend — who knows with Ian, I tend to take everything from him with a grain of salt as everyone should) that he remains friends with, in fact she is holding his dog for him until he’s released. She is always all over his Facebook saying his friends need to write him and everything. She cares a lot about Ian. She is married and has been for a little while now. Her husband cheated on her with “the 22-year-old” (as Ian refers to this girl as) and Ian has now, his story, hooked up with that girl and his ex would literally have his balls if she ever knew.

She knows.

I get a letter from Ian addressed to me, my name and address. I open it and it reads, “To my Dearest Amy..” I am thoroughly disappointed. Not because he’s writing a girl, Ian has always had many girls in his life, but because it’s not my letter. So I read it. He is giving this chick his life story and his number 1 reason for coming back to Florida is for her. I laugh because it’s the cheesiest shit I have ever read (besides Diphshidiot’s jailhouse letters to Alice) and I know he wouldn’t fall for a girl he’s never fucked, let alone met. That’s just not Ian’s style. He has no place to go when he’s released and he is looking to this chick to house him until further notice, I know Ian.

So I post to his Facebook that I got a letter for an Amy and was sending it back to him, but wanted to let her know he wrote because it takes forever to get letters. Yeah, not a very good idea, but I am innocent. Ian has a shit ton of friends so I figure everyone’s cool with everyone. Not the case.

Amy replies it’s her and blah, blah, blah. She looks like a ho so I know it’s her. Ex gf/sugar mama comments a couple of days later and is LIVID. Apparently this chick is a huge drunk and a slut and was found passed out drunk around 9 at night with Ex’s 3-year-old child near a pool 750 ft from Ho’s house. I am guessing Ho and Ex were once friends before that incident and the cheating incident. I don’t know.

What I do know is that now Ian’s dog Niko needs a new home and Ex is DONE. And Ian gets to get out of jail and read how it all happened.

I didn’t even recall the story until after Ex convinced me she knew it was her and then it was like BAM! Oh shit, I totally fucked Ian’s world up. I was trying to convince her that this Amy could be lying. Whoops.

I came by it innocently because if I had known it was Amy, had Ian gave me more info than just calling her “the 22-year-old”, I would not have said a peep. Let Ian get burned by his actions another way. He would have anyway. It was inevitable. Just sucks that I was the one who let the cat out of the bag.

I am sure you are wondering why I would want him as a friend, but he’s just Ian. I know he is fucked up and it’s easier to have a friendship once in a while where you have little to no expectation. It’s a breather from being disappointed by friends you expect to be friends. Plus, he can’t use me when I don’t offer him anything.

So I have this friend who I am not so sure is a friend anymore.