Maybe Today

January 31, 2013 By

I wish you would step back
From that ledge my friend
You could cut ties with all the lies
That you’ve been living in
And if you do not want to see me again
I would understand, I would understand

The angry boy a bit too insane
Icing over a secret pain
You know you don’t belong
You’re the first to fight
You’re way too loud
You’re the flash of light on a burial shroud
I know something’s wrong

Well everyone I know has got a reason
To say put the past away
I wish you would step back
From that ledge my friend
You could cut ties with all the lies
That you’ve been living in
And if you do not want to see me again
I would understand, I would understand

Well he’s on the table and he’s gone to code
And I do not think anyone knows
What they’re doing here
And your friends have left you
You’ve been dismissed
I never thought it would come to this
And I, I want you to know
Everyone’s got to face down the demons

Maybe today
You could put the past away

I wish you would step back from
That ledge my friend
You could cut ties with all the lies
That you’ve been living in
And if you do not want to see me again
I would understand, I would understand
I would understand, I would understand
I would understand, I would understand
Can you put the past away 

_________________________________________________

A guy I dated in 8th grade died shortly after high school. After 8th grade we parted ways because we went to different high schools. I didn’t know he was Bipolar. He was having an episode one night and called emergency for help. When the officers had arrived he was on the roof of his house with a  BB Gun. His mom and sister were pleading for him to come down and he was refusing. He swung the gun around and for a brief moment of time it landed on one of the officers. The officer was holding a rifle at him and shot, killing him instantly; his mother and sister witnessed as his body fell off the roof.

This song never fails to remind me.

“Jumper” – Third Eye Blind

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Not Sorry

December 26, 2012 By

Keep on looking through the window again,
But I’m not sorry if I do insult you.
I’m sad, not sorry, ’bout the way that things went,
And you’ll be happy and I’ll be forsakin’ thee.

I swore I’d never feel like this again,
But you’re so selfish, you don’t see
What you’re doing to me,
I keep on looking through the window again.
No I’m not sorry if I do insult you.
No-o-o, I’m not sorry if I do insult you.

I need to stop, obviously, saying that I’m done writing about Alice/Brittany. I annoy myself, you could say. I care so much about a person who’s not worth caring for and then when it’s all done, everyone around me wonders why I cared about that person at all.

It became so bad I don’t remember or can’t figure out any of the good qualities that she may have possessed. I was angry with her so much it clouded and permeated everything. Being in that friendship with her proved to me time and again that she was incapable of loving or caring about anyone outside of herself. Her feelings toward you were conditional.

She replaces people, and quite easily. When I became friends with her, I replaced Lacy. I was told I was a better friend than Lacy. We get in a fight about Matt’s dad coming to see the kids and suddenly Lacy is a better friend than me because Lacy, when it was found that Matt Sr. was cheating, became angry and called his girlfriend an umpteenth amount of times calling her a slut/whore/stupid bitch. I’m not sorry that my maturity level lacks that of a 17-year-old’s.

I’m not sorry that I was there before Lacy came down, taking care of Brittany’s kids while she was holed up in her room sobbing on the floor. Who did she call when she needed her kids to be looked after while she wallowed in her pity? Me. Anything she needed, I was there. I’m not sorry that I was the one being a shoulder to lean on and trying to keep her from calling him all the time and begging him to love her and acting desperate. Because she went against my advice, Matthew actually told her that when he was here in June, she was simply a pity-fuck.

I know how men like him work, you sob and get all needy and they react with anger and become repulsed because, honestly, only the sick and twisted are turned on by tears, desperation and faking happiness like everything is going to return to normal. You get angry and harass their girlfriend, their girlfriend gets the idea “Oh, wow. She IS a crazy bitch, no wonder you’re leaving her.” You lose all credibility. I’m not sorry for not being Lacy.

Dipshidiot gets out of jail and he is living with her and she has again easily replaced me. Brian was her fuck-toy when Disphidiot was holed up and for a short while she was replacing me with Brian. Brian says something off to her kid and has one bad lay with her and gone is Brian, and I’m back in. Just in time to dog sit for her while she’s away.

Brittany has to depend on someone. She is far from self-sufficient and that is why she makes the perfect candidate for Dipshidiot. She has no friends here besides me and we’re no longer friends. Lacy lives in Georgia. All Brittany has here is her mom and grandparents. Dipshidiot has hit the jackpot — for the qualities he is looking for.

Keep on looking through the window again,
But I’m not sorry if I do insult you.
I’m sad, not sorry, ’bout the way that things went,
And you’ll be happy and I’ll be forsakin’ thee.

I swore I’d never feel like this again,
But you’re so selfish,
You don’t see what you’re doing to me,
I keep on looking through the window again.
No I’m not sorry if I do detest you.
No-o-o, I’m not sorry if I do detest you.

Brittany texted me Marry Christmas yesterday. It may have been a blast text, I don’t know. I texted her back a little over an hour later Merry Christmas and nothing since. I’m wondering if she thought I was correcting her. I wasn’t, but I would find it funny if she thought so.

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Criminally Insane

December 19, 2012 By

Why should the mentally ill be treated any different from the common criminal when they commit a heinous crime? You commit the crime, you shall serve the time and deal with the consequences. It’s very telling to me when someone goes on a kill spree and then kills themselves, they knew what they were doing.

There is an email going around titled, I’m Adam Lanza’s Mother, my reaction — even after reading it to its entirety — no you’re not. I understand that email is trying to create and promote awareness for parents and get a conversation going about more help in mental healthcare. This crime just happened, we don’t know all the facts, the investigation isn’t complete and you’ve never met Adam Lanza.

Comparing one special needs, mentally handicapped/ill child/adult to another is like apples and oranges. You cannot compare two people of sound mind and body to one another, what makes you think you can of special needs? That, in my opinion, shows ignorance and a definite need for help; for you.

I read an article on Fox News where it was talking about what this former US Marine who was “close to the family” had to say and the first two words out of his mouth is “I heard”. His closeness to the family? A church that “most” the people in the town attended. Fox News also was getting their information from “many sources” and had “email correspondence” with a 20-year-old male who had went to high school with Adam Lanza. They also left a link at the bottom of this article for “tips and information anyone” can give about this murderer and/or his family. There’s your sign. And reason I don’t watch or read the news. It’s garbage.

This massacre happened Friday, it’s only now Wednesday morning. Just because your adult child has fits and anger and threatens to kill themselves doesn’t mean you know anything of what it was like in the Lanza household. Everything on the news is heresy until the investigation is through and if there is no clear evidence, everything will still be heresy.

You cannot begin to think you know why a man you’ve never even heard of until Friday, did what he did. It’s complete speculation on if he had Asperger’s. And Asperger’s doesn’t always involve violent fits of rage.

It is said every person has the capability to kill. Those who act on it shouldn’t be used as models to talk about your child with special needs.

Adam Lanza killed multiple kids and not with just one or two bullets, some kids had as many as 11 shots in their body. He supposedly went into a room with just a teacher and when she told him her class was in gym, he killed her. Adam Lanza, if anything, knew what he was doing. He killed at his home then drove to the school and killed more.

If you think you’re the mother of Adam Lanza, you need to get help quicker than just sending an email out to have everyone sympathize with you.

I also don’t know why everyone who kills nowadays has to be considered mentally ill. Cannot your ‘regular Joe’ kill if he wanted to? Are people with sound mind and body incapable of committing an act of murder?

I have Bipolar I Disorder and I know there has to be some history of people with that diagnosis killing others. They aren’t my siblings. I am nothing like them. If my mom compared me to a murderous Bipolar, I can’t say I wouldn’t be a little miffed.

When did the criminally insane go out the door? Why do we think we have children who could commit such heinous crimes and prevent them from doing so? If someone wants to kill, rape or steal, unless we see a plan in the making, we cannot stop them. You can’t give the consequence before the crime is committed. If you feel your child is a danger to others, you need to do something about it before it’s too late. Don’t try keeping him in society if he’s not capable to live in it without possibly harming others.

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Anger & Sadness

December 15, 2012 By
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How moronic do you have to be to put garbage like this out?

Share this image on Facebook and tell me just how Godly like you’re living. People make me sick. You know what? I am happy that there is separation of Church and State. I’d rather not be brainwashed to thinking up things like this.

What happened today was a horrific tragedy to say the very least. You have no business spreading your political garbage on a day like this. Bible thumping morons. Shame on you.

 

 

 

_______________________________

My heart, thoughts and prayers are with all involved in this senseless tragedy in Newton, CT. May the lives lost rest in peace. May the families and communities also be able to find peace.

Filed Under: Annoy Me Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

An Ode to Dipshidiot

December 12, 2012 By

You’re sick. You’re sick in the head and I can see it. I see it and it makes me sick. Writing this now makes me feel like I need to hurl, but I refuse to hurl over you. You’re not worth this Ode. You’re not worth the bars on your cell. You’re not worth the shit on the floor. I hope you’re enjoying those sexual favors you’re giving and receiving. You deserve a good ass rape. It takes a punk little boy with daddy issues to have to knock around women to feel powerful. To feel in control. You have no control. That’s why you do what you do. You manipulate. You’re a user. You abuse and mistreat.

Alice doesn’t deserve the treatment you will give her when it is time you deem she take it. But let me say that Alice is no better. She’s better than you, but she’s no better than the choices she makes and the choice she had made is seeing you. Seeing you even though I have shown her all the truths. All the truths you masked, but unmasked with your name — have you not heard of Google or County Criminal/Court Records. The evidence really of what I picked up the moment I heard her talking with you. The moment I laid my eyes on you. The moment you looked at me from the couch and I saw. I saw in your eyes all I needed to see and I dug in my heels and my view of you didn’t budge. I knew you were wicked. Your eyes validated you were demented. Your demeanor and temper just bubbling beneath. What I didn’t know then, but found soon after is that you knew before you met me that I had no use for you. I knew you were bad news before I knew what you looked like. Alice even told you before we were ever in person, that I had dubbed you. I dubbed you Dipshidiot. I wasn’t intimidated and that you could see so the next time we met you had to change your tactics.

You weaved the webs of the same shit deceit that Alice had empathized and ate up so quick. Apparently one day on your birthday you came home early from a job you had in the Bahamas. Only to find your wife in bed with your best friend whom was the best man in your wedding. Boo-hoo. You lost everything; your boat, your house, and your kid. Your reaction was quick as you beat your best friend to an inch of his life and had to pay well over $63,000 in medical bills. Well I am not Alice, I have smarts, you beat anyone like that and Prison is where you end up. Do you find me dumb that
when you tell me if you could do it over you would have killed them both, and say this with such malice then only moments later ask me why women go back to the men who abuse, I would not pick up that you are a scumbag douche? There was no best friend or affair or such, just the fact you beat your wife and ended up with a restraining order 2 days before you met Alice.

But it’s OK because I relinquish Alice since she’s a grown woman and has the right to choose you over her kids. You win, aren’t you happy? You have a new punching bag that will cower to you now. Just in time for Christmas! I’m washing my hands of this.

Alice

Goodbye, Alice (Photo credit: Danny PiG)

 

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