Tag! I’m it.

May 22, 2013 By 11 Comments

So apparently there is this blog tagging going around and I have been tagged by the infamous Whoredinary. Thank you kindly.

So here’s how it works:

1. Post these rules.
2. Post a photo of yourself and* eleven random facts about you.
3. Answer the questions given to you in the tagger’s post.
4. Create eleven new questions and tag new people to answer them.
5. Go to their blog/Twitter and let them know they have been tagged.

11 Random Facts:
  1. My feet fall asleep all the time because I sit cross-legged in my bed when I am using my laptop.
  2. I use the box my laptop came in as a makeshift desk; it works well that way.
  3. I have self-diagnosed social anxiety, I can’t go anywhere alone.
  4. I love music, especially rock.
  5. Coming up with this shit is getting difficult.
  6. I rarely watch T.V. Grey’s Anatomy is so far the only show I’ve kept up with.
  7. I worry all the time about stupid shit and big shit.
  8. I take daily naps, be jealous.
  9. Coffee is my way of life. I drink it twice a day.
  10. I am getting excited that 11 is almost up.
  11. Yay!! Lastly, I eat cereal like it’s going out of style.

[Read more...]

Filed Under: Ridiculousness Tagged With: , , , , ,

Cutting

May 10, 2013 By 21 Comments

I used to cut. I have 3 well-placed scars on my left wrist — for all who meet and know me to see. I have thought about it lately because of a post I read a while back where the blogger mentions you are never an ex-cutter just as you are never an ex-addict.

I don’t know if I agree with that.

The last time I cut was at least 12 years ago. I have no desires to do so now. I was just a kid then. A very angst-filled spoiled little girl with some major issues. I think because I was cutting at a young age, now the idea of it seems ridiculous to me.

I can believe in the theory once and addict always an addict, but it’s hard for me to believe in once a cutter always a cutter.

Filed Under: Debatable, Personally Me Tagged With: , , , , , ,

God?

May 6, 2013 By 23 Comments

Last night in bed I lied there wondering if there is a God. It really got me for some reason because in my mind, if there were, he’d be able to communicate with us in some fashion. Unless in the game of life that is considered cheating. I don’t know.

Religion has always been odd for me. I feel awkward in churches and especially when trying to read the Bible. I get the strangest sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. My parents never did the church or any kind of religious thing with my sister and I growing up. I’d go to Sunday school with a friend, but we were young enough for the coloring class with the lemonade and sugar cookies. I went a couple of times with older friends, but I don’t really remember the experience.

I would just find it interesting if there wasn’t a God. If this world was total happenstance. That would be almost as weird as sitting in church. I guess it boils down to me not knowing what I believe in. I cross my fingers instead of praying. I do on occasion say “Thank God”, but I think that’s more out of habit. I also will say “God Dammit” if you must know. I know, I know I am a terrible person.

Filed Under: Debatable, Personally Me Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

Book Review This is Not

April 19, 2013 By 5 Comments

Can’t be since I only just started reading it last night. Either way I have to write about it even though I am only in midst of chapter 6. Did I mention that I downloaded it late last night?

brainonfireIt’s called Brain on Fire: My Month of Madness and it is riveting, AND I haven’t even touched on the intense parts that are to come. The author is Susannah Cahalan and she was (could still be?) a reporter for The New York Post. The paper that Alexander Hamilton started in 1801. Fact check!

I’m only a few sentences in, but I figure I would pause here to tell you I am horrible/terrible/no good/very bad at relaying stories I haven’t made up in my head.

What I got from the synopsis is she has a very intense psychotic break that came without rhyme or reason since she hasn’t a history of mental illness or really any health concerns nor does her family.

It is a hard read because a lot of the things she experiences, I have experienced in relation to the psychosis. The difference? Her’s is due to a rare autoimmune disease and mine is because I am just fucking mental.  I’m so mental I had a small glimmer of hope that I could have that disease [I'd much rather have a disease that causes my body to attack my brain and possible death than just a case of the crazies. Sounds good, no?] so I Googled it and God laughed in my face because it’s only linked to Autism and Schizophrenia cases, not Bipolar.

I think I am also excited {no, not just because of my coffee this morning…} because this is the first book in a bit that I don’t find myself getting bored. I think it’s all my lovely psychotropics because I skim a lot more than I used to. I can write this, but I doubt I am going to proofread anything that’s not already outlined for me to fix.

Yes, I bore myself also. I used to be kind of egotistical about my posts, but now that I haven’t been around, just got back to reality from major psychotic break [3rd time in 6 years, ooo I'm on a roll], and I lack energy and inspiration to post. Yeah, not a good mix. Luckily my dad is letting me use his laptop for the time being.

The book is good. She’s not a bore at all which is super cool.

Filed Under: Personally Me Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

When I am Queen

March 2, 2013 By

I will insist with perfect scars upon my wrists that everything you once held dear is taken away from you.

Lilith has entered my mind once in a blue moon, I have always wondered why she didn’t seem to get the street cred Eve got. Begot, Begot, Begot. Instead she joined forces with that jealous often zealous angel Lucifer and made babies. And if it is so that these babies were begot such as the humans who ruined the garden of Eden, they would technically be walking among us, no? Succubi and Incubus’.

I am not evil (completely), but I feel a slight kinship to her because I don’t think it’s fair that if she were made from the Earth such as Adam, she got the short end of the stick… well really it was because she didn’t have a stick period.

When I am queen sweet girl scout’s face and not a one will fall from grace
If all their hearts I could replace, but until then I’ll have to…

Drown, drown, drown myself. Why is it that in our realities of what we know on spirituality and religion sacrifices seem to be a must? We know everything that does and can kill us and we are all afraid to meet our maker. So we find cures and solutions to live longer, healthier, be a grandparent at the age of 23 or younger.

When I am queen on royal throne made out of parts of broken bones
of all the devils I have known that suck the angels dry

When I am queen I’ll have my way I’ll make it drowning Dollie day
and all the tears that we have cried will suck back in our eyes

Hush little baby don’t say a word. Mama’s going to buy you a mockingbird. If the mocking bird won’t sing, mama will buy you a blood diamond ring. If that ring were to get sold, mama will be over a 100 years old. Go to sleep, close your eyes and one day you’ll wake a bastard’s lie.

When I am queen I will not wait my body type will still be great
I will not leave it up to fate because I hate you too.

When I am queen they all will see the patron saint of self-injury
the glitter sores will heal themselves I’ll play the part of someone else.

“When I am Queen” ~ Jack off Jill
(C) CB 2013.

Filed Under: Personally Me Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,
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