I know, I know. I just did the second installment; why so soon? I’m obviously easily annoyed, duh.

1. Be Freshly Pressed and have 61 comments that you approved but somehow couldn’t find the time to reply to any of them. It’s understandable that not every comment need be replied to, I get that. These 61 people that took the time to comment also took the time to read your post, stop looking like a complete dick and show you appreciate their time and feedback. You’re not Dooce nor are you TheBloggess. & even they take the time in posts to show their gratitude. & they give stuff away, too. So neener neener. Douche.
2. Do not say “excuse me” when I am in your way. Push me with your body, little brat. Or you, mother of 3, infringe on my freaking bubble until I move, you cow. Am I supposed to read your mind using the back of my head and know you want to get around me? You old people have no excuse as I know you were brought up with manners, you middle aged people should at least have some common decency, and you should be teaching your little brats some manners. This particularly perturbs me not just by lack of manners, but being that close to me. I don’t know you. Don’t touch me and stay back or you will get an elbow somewhere on your body, I’ll aim for your face if I can.
3. I hate the Holidays including Halloween. I’ll give thanks when I want to, not just on the fourth Thursday of November. That’s similar to Christians who are only Christian on Sunday. I’ll buy candy when I want. Don’t ring my doorbell if I don’t know you and you’re not the Police. Christmas is for kids. I don’t have any so I don’t have to celebrate it. I don’t believe the 25th of December is the exact date Jesus was brought on to this planet. For those Jehovah Witnesses it’s like October 9th or so I was told by my 4th grade classmate. If I want to buy you a gift it will be because I want to, not because it’s expected to on that date. Obligations like that are ridiculous and I’m poor. And if you think me a Grinch, go ahead. I am not going to lie and say I’m not, unless you’re a kid. The holiday is for kids. Thanksgiving is to purely gorge yourself and watch football. Fuck the Holidays.
4. Be an optimist. All. The. Time. The glass is not half empty, it’s not half full; it just is. Period.
5. Do, be, act, involve in any of 1, 2, 4; piss off. Try to change my view on anything in 3. Good Luck.

Happy Freaking Holidays!

Truly,
CB

Update: After having thought about it for 30 seconds, I may be a Grinch due to the fact I’m still not over being told there is no Santa. I know, I am 27 wtf, but without Santa the magic of Christmas is gone. I wish my nephew believed in Santa. He was skeptical from the very beginning.