Hi. I’m CB and I suffer from a case of passgressive.

I’m always advising telling people how I think they should how to run their relationships with people, family, friends, and spouses. You come to me with an issue, or I beat it out of you, and my first line of advice command on how you should better handle it is communication. Tell the person how you feel, if they aren’t understanding look at how they communicate with you and emulate it back to them. If they are understanding and think you’re just plain wrong, step back and evaluate it thinking of it from their side and from there you come to compromise. A lot of people get confused with compromise thinking that it should always be a 50/50 split of sacrifice and gain, but that’s in a perfect world. Sometimes you will have to do that full back bend and they should understand the same of themselves.

Kermit

Kermit (Photo credit: Eva Rinaldi Celebrity and Live Music Photographer)

I don’t follow my own advice. I know! It’s so shocking. I mean look at how intelligent and rational I am. What the hell is the matter with me? Besides too high of a self-esteem in random spurts. And a healthy dose of self-depreciation, sarcasm, bitterness, and verbal attackage to anyone whom says anything that I see as being critical of my persons since I lack the ability to differentiate between behavior/beliefs/thoughts and self. It’s not easy being green me. Kermit, man, Kermit.

So as I was getting my workout on last night and thinking about Miss Flighty, it came to me that I had given her details about what happened over my holiday. Details I shall never share with this blog because it not only shames me, but my entire family and although I sometimes have the deepest desires to just runaway from the looniness that is my family, I still love them and wouldn’t want to harm them. So what I told her was very personal. It struck me last night that she talks shit about Miss Fallout to me along with also talking ill about her mother, her father, her baby’s dad, her brother, and her sister and Ivan (the guy who molested me several years ago and attempted rape on Miss Flighty). Miss flighty is always talking about people not respecting her, yet she talks about how she has such little to no respect for them. I know things about Miss Fallout I know I shouldn’t. Her telling me a very intimate detail about Miss Fallout’s boyfriend leads me to know for certain that she has told Miss Fallout and most likely her sister about what I confided in to her.

I also know with certainty she would lie about it if I came out and asked her. So instead I posted this on Facebook for her to see:

Rottenecards_4498919_s3f3q49qqhI’m so passive-aggressive. I know these cards are supposed to be humorous, but I didn’t know how to spin it so I just typed it how I thought it.

How do I end up with such shit friends? It must be me. I don’t know if I have unrealistic expectations of people I invite into my fucked up world or if I am a magnet for the assholes. All I want is for someone to care, value, and appreciate me as much as I do them. In my mind that’s not too much to ask for. I even told that to Miss Flighty. I watched her kid for free twice this last week and let her use my lap top on 2 different occasions so she said to me the other night, “You’re such a good friend, I don’t know how I can repay you.” I simply replied, “Just be a good friend.” I also made a crack that she’d start hanging out with Miss Fallout more when Miss Fallout was available and I’d be in the dust and she hesitated for a half a minute before shaking her head. I call bullshit.

The Nature of the Beast

Blatant discrimination can anger you. You can find watching movies or reading books that are heavy into prejudices on race, sex, sexual preference, so on and so forth to be maddening. It’s been said that discrimination is based on fear – you’re actually afraid of what you cannot understand. It also seems to be based on a heavy dose of ignorance — you don’t understand and you choose not to.

Prejudice, not being founded on reason, cannot be removed by argument.”
Samuel Johnson (English Poet, Critic & Writer. 1709-1784)

What happens then when you’re the one being discriminated against? Not just by some random stranger or a group of idiots, but by someone you considered a dear friend for many years? What people fail to realize a lot of the time, even one living with the disorder, is that you cannot blanket it with the title of being mentally ill. How we label mental health is how it becomes so stigmatized. You’re only mentally ill when you’re ill by the disorder — you go off treatment or when the treatment starts working less for you and you fail to notify the proper people who help you manage it. Being on the treatment that works for you brings mental stability and mental wellbeing. You cannot call yourself or let others call you mentally ill. In my book, the mentally ill are ones that are untreatable. The ones who sadly have to live an institutionalized lifestyle. The ones you cannot bring back to reality. The ones who cannot be cared for outside of a controlled environment.

I’m fine, but I’m bipolar. I’m on seven medications, and I  take medication three times a day. This constantly puts me in touch with the  illness I have. I’m never quite allowed to be free of that for a day. It’s like  being a diabetic.
— Carrie Fisher

 

Advocate Against Discrimination

(Photo credit: FreePride Foundation Project)

The nature of the beast. You’re Bipolar, you have to know that you’re going to face discrimination. OK fine, let’s all just get complacent. You’re black, you should just accept a lot of whites will discriminate against you. You’re mexican, get ready to be discriminated against by the blacks. You’re gay, well that’s the lifestyle you chose and you decided to come out of the closet so you should be prepared for the bullying and crude comments; and don’t think your own family won’t participate in that. You’re a woman, be prepared to get your ass smacked. And dare you come out after dark and you are alone, silly you for thinking you could be safe walking to your car. What were you wearing when this supposed incident took place? A miniskirt and some fishnets, you were totally asking for it.

I was told by a friend yesterday that the falling out I had with a mutual friend last year was due to the fact that I have Bipolar disorder and she doesn’t want me around her child. It doesn’t help that the person I had a falling out with was a consistent friend and this mutual friend of ours happens to be more flighty. It also doesn’t help that when I have a falling out that is that negative, unbeknownst to me until yesterday, that I am friends with a friend of theirs. I don’t like the feeling. Especially when Miss Flighty talks a decent amount of smack about Miss Fallout to me. Need I not have to inform you that I don’t bring up Miss Fallout with Miss Flighty because it’s called respect and I don’t want to make Miss Flighty feel uncomfortable about being friends with Miss Fallout and me. Miss Flighty didn’t start hanging out or coming around until Miss Fallout recently (in the last few months) became less available due to a newish relationship.

I don’t trust Miss Flighty. I trust she is being truthful, I don’t trust her loyalties. This stems from the fact that she was the best friend I was with when the Incident happened. Yes, we were 14, but she never backed my story. When we saw one another the following fall when we first started high school, she was cold and just a few weeks ago when we were talking about seeing each other again she told me how this other girl would talk shit about me to Miss Flighty. Why would you feel the need to now tell me that some chick didn’t like me and would talk shit to you about me? Do you think I am ignorant to the fact that if she chose you and you liked her, you weren’t talking shit also?

So I guess it’s don’t shoot the messenger, but what are the messenger’s intentions? After high school she didn’t contact me again until Ivan tried to rape her.

I’m shutting down. I’ll maintain my friendship with her, but only by the way she maintains hers with me. Hang out because you need a friend until you find different ones.

 

 

How To Annoy Me

Eventually I may come up with lists on things that please me. Until then, you’re stuck with this. You’re welcome.

♣ This could just be me; hell, everything could just be me. I find it pompous that when someone is using slightly silly examples on a topic such as literature to show how it seems to have degraded over the centuries, you have to point out that the examples are beneath the topic. So I chose Twilight, Hunger Games and 50 Shades. Does it matter that the authors of Twilight and 50 Shades are not “trained in the field” of writing? Does it matter that Hunger Games is a Scholastic, Inc. book made for young adults? No. Why? Because my point was that these popular series are what’s being put out by mainstream. Gone are authors like Jane Austen, Charles Dickens, Edgar Allan Poe, Harper Lee, etc. Literature has become all about pop-lit. Where did the art and intelligence go? Understand I am talking mainstream here, I know there are fantastic authors out there that are probably being smothered by the garbage coming out.

♣ Tell me it’d be best for me to change my stance on gun laws with only the reason that England has ¼ the homicide rate that America has. Don’t bother linking any actual data. This may or may not make a difference, but has it occurred to you that England is roughly ¼ of the size of America? Plus if you really want to break it down the percentage of guns used in our homicide rate, it is significantly low compared to other means.

♣ Tell an inmate on death row that you don’t believe humans should be executed. How, again, do you think he got on death row?

♣ Blame everyone for everything wrong in your life. You’re 32, what you suffer has everything to do with your choices as an adult. Especially talk a lot of smack about the person who’s done nothing but bend over backwards for you.

/End Rant.

Annoyed Beyond Repair

My blog has been raped by http://adjournalblog.wordpress.com (so inconspicuous). He’s liked almost my entire blog and we just say I am none too happy. Anyone know how to report this? I’ve spammed all his comments, but I have a feeling spam doesn’t do much.

I really am annoyed. Royally.

Anger & Sadness

18814_308215195946239_1311344699_n

How moronic do you have to be to put garbage like this out?

Share this image on Facebook and tell me just how Godly like you’re living. People make me sick. You know what? I am happy that there is separation of Church and State. I’d rather not be brainwashed to thinking up things like this.

What happened today was a horrific tragedy to say the very least. You have no business spreading your political garbage on a day like this. Bible thumping morons. Shame on you.

 

 

 

_______________________________

My heart, thoughts and prayers are with all involved in this senseless tragedy in Newton, CT. May the lives lost rest in peace. May the families and communities also be able to find peace.

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