{the avant-garde of mediocrity}
D has to work late so tomorrow or Tuesday will be the day instead. I’m not taking it too bad either and that is a bonus because the title of this post frequently leaves my lips in real world situations. Usually telling the other person that they need patience.
Real posting is not too far off. Patience is a virtue, my friends.
I’m feeling rather pensive today. I always do when it comes to the time of getting something I desperately want, like a new laptop. Materialism at it’s finest? Maybe so. OK, more like definitely so.
Most can be in need of food or clothing or shelter… this is not where I was intending this post to go. I feel for those, but I am in need of being a little selfish. It’s all about me, damn it!
So I have to eat and take my morning medications. I then will head north to drop my nephew to my sister and have her trim my hair, then it’s back home where I touch base with D and hope all goes well.
I am sitting here worrying about sentence structure… I can’t wait to have a real PC in my hands. Not that it helps with sentence structure, but it doesn’t stop me from blaming iPad. My brain is fritz on the pad.
PS. Sorry for such a lackluster post. I do not apologize for any selfishness though. Unless it helps with the cosmos on me getting a laptop today. Even then, how true of an apology would it be? May disappointment not strike me today. Love you all.
Ian is an interesting friend to say the least. I originally met him when I was about 17 or 18 because my best friend was dating his pot dealer. She is now married to that retired pot dealer and we are no longer best friends. But this is not about that nor is this about her.
Years go by and I never hear about ’Endo’ again. Until late summer, early fall of 2011. I am hanging out with this sleazy kid L.J — long story — and he wants to go to Endo’s house. Endo?? I think I know this kid. It rings bells. Endo introduces himself to me as Ian. There seems to be this ongoing thing where guys I hear about who are known to everybody as some nickname introduce themselves to me with their proper name. So I am one of the few people besides his mom to call Ian by his name and not his longtime street name.
Ian and I become friends and LJ goes off the Richter because he’s insane and a huge drug user so I stop hanging with him and hang out with a less dangerous kind of crazy Ian. I start crushing on Ian. He’s smart, a little ridiculous… OK a lot ridiculous and interestingly funny. He’s a charmer, and a Libra like myself so it only comes naturally. He’s also a bit of a lush which is usually not my thing, but he’s awesome when he’s sober.
He decides he needs a new horizon so he’s moving to Cali. Apparently he’s going to “legally” cultivate marijuana and make some good money. A few months ago he gets busted and arrested for illegally cultivating marijuana and stealing power. He’s in jail. So a couple of weeks ago I am like what the hell, I haven’t talked to his punkass in a while, let me go ahead and buy him some minutes and see if he really remembers me. He calls me and he remembers me. Shockingly enough. So we are talking and he ends up telling me this story…
He has an ex-sugar mama (she calls herself his ex girlfriend — who knows with Ian, I tend to take everything from him with a grain of salt as everyone should) that he remains friends with, in fact she is holding his dog for him until he’s released. She is always all over his Facebook saying his friends need to write him and everything. She cares a lot about Ian. She is married and has been for a little while now. Her husband cheated on her with “the 22-year-old” (as Ian refers to this girl as) and Ian has now, his story, hooked up with that girl and his ex would literally have his balls if she ever knew.
She knows.
I get a letter from Ian addressed to me, my name and address. I open it and it reads, “To my Dearest Amy..” I am thoroughly disappointed. Not because he’s writing a girl, Ian has always had many girls in his life, but because it’s not my letter. So I read it. He is giving this chick his life story and his number 1 reason for coming back to Florida is for her. I laugh because it’s the cheesiest shit I have ever read (besides Diphshidiot’s jailhouse letters to Alice) and I know he wouldn’t fall for a girl he’s never fucked, let alone met. That’s just not Ian’s style. He has no place to go when he’s released and he is looking to this chick to house him until further notice, I know Ian.
So I post to his Facebook that I got a letter for an Amy and was sending it back to him, but wanted to let her know he wrote because it takes forever to get letters. Yeah, not a very good idea, but I am innocent. Ian has a shit ton of friends so I figure everyone’s cool with everyone. Not the case.
Amy replies it’s her and blah, blah, blah. She looks like a ho so I know it’s her. Ex gf/sugar mama comments a couple of days later and is LIVID. Apparently this chick is a huge drunk and a slut and was found passed out drunk around 9 at night with Ex’s 3-year-old child near a pool 750 ft from Ho’s house. I am guessing Ho and Ex were once friends before that incident and the cheating incident. I don’t know.
What I do know is that now Ian’s dog Niko needs a new home and Ex is DONE. And Ian gets to get out of jail and read how it all happened.
I didn’t even recall the story until after Ex convinced me she knew it was her and then it was like BAM! Oh shit, I totally fucked Ian’s world up. I was trying to convince her that this Amy could be lying. Whoops.
I came by it innocently because if I had known it was Amy, had Ian gave me more info than just calling her “the 22-year-old”, I would not have said a peep. Let Ian get burned by his actions another way. He would have anyway. It was inevitable. Just sucks that I was the one who let the cat out of the bag.
I am sure you are wondering why I would want him as a friend, but he’s just Ian. I know he is fucked up and it’s easier to have a friendship once in a while where you have little to no expectation. It’s a breather from being disappointed by friends you expect to be friends. Plus, he can’t use me when I don’t offer him anything.
So I have this friend who I am not so sure is a friend anymore.
I wish you would step back
From that ledge my friend
You could cut ties with all the lies
That you’ve been living in
And if you do not want to see me again
I would understand, I would understand
The angry boy a bit too insane
Icing over a secret pain
You know you don’t belong
You’re the first to fight
You’re way too loud
You’re the flash of light on a burial shroud
I know something’s wrong
Well everyone I know has got a reason
To say put the past away
I wish you would step back
From that ledge my friend
You could cut ties with all the lies
That you’ve been living in
And if you do not want to see me again
I would understand, I would understand
Well he’s on the table and he’s gone to code
And I do not think anyone knows
What they’re doing here
And your friends have left you
You’ve been dismissed
I never thought it would come to this
And I, I want you to know
Everyone’s got to face down the demons
Maybe today
You could put the past away
I wish you would step back from
That ledge my friend
You could cut ties with all the lies
That you’ve been living in
And if you do not want to see me again
I would understand, I would understand
I would understand, I would understand
I would understand, I would understand
Can you put the past away
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A guy I dated in 8th grade died shortly after high school. After 8th grade we parted ways because we went to different high schools. I didn’t know he was Bipolar. He was having an episode one night and called emergency for help. When the officers had arrived he was on the roof of his house with a BB Gun. His mom and sister were pleading for him to come down and he was refusing. He swung the gun around and for a brief moment of time it landed on one of the officers. The officer was holding a rifle at him and shot, killing him instantly; his mother and sister witnessed as his body fell off the roof.
This song never fails to remind me.
“Jumper” – Third Eye Blind
For serious, yo!
Are the first words I saw amongst the rest that are in the search. I know it’s silly. I know it’s just a game. I know I shouldn’t probably even bother with a post on it, but it’s under my skin. I like to think it’s hard to get under my skin, but truly it’s not. Once I let you in, it’s a revolving door. Just last night Dipshidiot, again, succeeded into getting under mine. He’d written a postcard to Alice with a PS attached to it saying, “Hello, Sarah… I know you are getting the mail…” That went so under my skin my natural thought that came forth was, “Hello, Dipshidiot. I’d really love to take a metal baseball bat to your head…” Obviously I wouldn’t really do that since I just told you about it. Talk about throwing myself under the bus. As much as we all like to think we are anonymous on the internet, we really aren’t. The right person makes the right search and that’s it. What really does it is the same reason that motivated him to do so. He purposefully wrote on one of those flimsy detention facility postcards so I could read it. Alice obviously told him I’d be watching Dobby (dog) while she and her family were away at Disney World. She tells him everything. Everything I say about him goes back to him. His court date is the 12th. I cannot wait to find out the verdict. I want him sentenced. I want to be able to write a letter to him. One may ask why waste my time? Because I want him to know everything I know about him and I want the jail to read it. I’m sure they all know about it, but it might be a little refreshing for them to not have to read the usual sappy shit-coated love letter on how he is Alice’s sun, moon, and stars. Gag.
I am frustrated that love was first. I am frustrated that love was a contender. Maybe because Alice and Dipshidiot taint that word. I don’t think Alice knows how to love. I think she is looking at Dipshidiot to take care of her financially. My last relationship, I honestly cannot say if there was love. I think my ex will continue to date and have relationships, but I think he likes his bachelorhood more. He’s almost 40 and has never been married which I’m not saying is bad at all. I’m saying from what I got from him in our relationship was that he wasn’t the type to settle down. He may find the right girl and do just that; never say never. Just what I got from him. If I could put my current feelings into a song lyric and with that same lyric sum up my last relationship from both points of view it would be Nirvana’s:
Love myself, better than you. I know it’s wrong, what should I do?
I could be wrong. I could want love in my life. I just don’t want it now. I’mma do me all by myself.
Money? Notorious BIG’s mo’ money, mo’ problems comes to mind. I like being comfortable. Paying my bills. Affording what I need and some things I want. I don’t want a lot though. I’m used to living on the minimalist side (nice way of saying poor) and usually I will want something and the minute I see I cannot afford it, I’ll move on. Most of the time I’ll forget I ever wanted it. I’m also highly unorganized so my shit is everywhere and I’ll lose stuff and not remember I had it until I get a wild hair to pick up and organize and I’ll find it. I’m far from materialistic and I think it’s due to being without money and the fact I was robbed once. You don’t miss what you’ve never had. I’m also afraid if I had more money, I’d be more frivolous and end up not having money to pay my bills. Mo’ money, mo’ problems. Amen.
Intelligence. I love just the word intelligence. I find it to be the highest paying compliment. I’m sure there’s a quote somewhere on how beauty fades, but intelligence doesn’t. In this world even the least judgmental person will judge another’s looks. It’s natural and if you can’t admit that you do it, you’re only fooling yourself. If I see a person and think not so highly of them visually and then we talk and they speak with intelligence, their flaws begin to fade. It’s their personality, how they talk, their usage of words, their knowledge on anything and everything, how they carry themselves. So, yes, that is the one I can agree on the most.
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I forget where I got this. I apologize and if it originates from you or you were part of the chain of bloggers that posted this, feel free to comment or email me.
