It has been proven that each time one goes into psychosis, it physically damages the brain. That’s what happened to me just last month. The posts I was putting up were indicators as to what was going on in my head.

It’s hard to write about because some of it I don’t remember or even remember correctly. The false beliefs I held while being insane are scary and more than embarrassing to think about. They dealt a lot with me thinking my family was out to harm me. My mom had taken control of my medications and was dealing with my doctor whom I also believed I couldn’t trust. She became Nurse Ratched to me and so I blew up, ran from her and as she cornered me in the backyard I flung my Gatorade at her and then she had to drag me into the house and force my medications. She had to give me Seroquel in the daytime because I wasn’t sleeping at all and when I start to feel sedated I freak out and think I am dying. It’s why I can’t take Seroquel. It worked for me a while ago, but now I am on Abilify which is working well for me now.

Eventually my family knew it was time to have me committed, I believe it was a day or so after the Gatorade incident. I was put in on the 22nd and released the 3rd of this month.

If this happens again, it can be permanent and I am highly fearful of that. My first psychotic break was in 2008, my second in 2011 and now my last being 2013.

I have lost faith and trust in myself with this illness and I don’t know when I’ll ever gain that back.

Related articles

• Can a Profession Be any More Confused? (madinamerica.com)
• Am I Bipolar? Yes I am : Bipolar Disorder Forum – Psych forums (psychforums.com)
• Antipsychotic Meds Not That Helpful for Depression (nlm.nih.gov)
• Nurse Ratched and the Therapeutic State (americanthinker.com)