Lost

When I was about 7 or 8 years of age, my sister had come home from school with one of her friends. Well her friend’s mom was pissed to say the least and wanted her home immediately. My mom was at work so my sister got the bright idea for us to bike her friend home. That wouldn’t have been such a bad idea if her friend didn’t live at least a half-hour car ride away from our house. I of course didn’t want to go and my sister couldn’t leave me behind, apparently that kind of thing is against the law.

The ride there wasn’t bad — at least I don’t remember it so it couldn’t have been — but coming home was a different story. My sister got us lost and it was getting dark. All I can remember really is being so tired of peddling and so scared that I was walking my bike and crying hysterically behind my sister who kept telling me to shut up. We finally ended up in a neighborhood she knew and we knocked on the door of some lady’s house who drove us home with our bikes in tow and promised she wouldn’t say anything to our mom.

I didn’t keep my promise. I had been so terrified that I told my mom that night and my sister got in trouble.

Bitter

This blogger’s block is making me quite bitter. I am beginning to feel like it will never let up.

Have hope.

Hang in there. 

Sweet sentiments, really, but I have this ungodly feeling that my ability to blog has gone for good. I also have a sinking feeling that my medications have something to do with it. All creativity has abandoned me and it was what I had that gave me sustainability to handle life. My life.

In other news, D got me a new laptop so I am pretty pleased and grateful about that. Unfortunately it doesn’t conquer blogger’s block like I had hoped it would. I’m not kidding. I thought it’d be my cure-all, but no. It just sits here and looks pretty while I checkout Facebook and you bloggers which I love and begrudge all the same — begrudge because you can blog. Don’t take it personal.

Love you all.

 

 

Jaden on Church

Jaden is my nephew and here is his logic:

Only persons whose favorite thing is Jesus go to church.

Yes, baby, you’re right.

Used To

I used to be able to enjoy blogging. I used to be able to enjoy life. I used to be able to work. I used to be able to drink.

Now my life feels meaningless. I don’t miss alcohol other than the fact that other people can enjoy it. I miss blogging and I miss working, but I am fearful of the time when I can go back to work. Anxiety riddles me to the core.

My life now consists of waking up, taking medications, napping in the middle of the day, and going to sleep at night. It’s depressing and sad and lonely. And it’s my life.

I Drive Me Crazy — Ooo-Ooo

I can’t pick a theme. Not to save my life, your life or even my cute little dog’s life. It doesn’t help that I am working off a 10+ year old laptop. My only guess since it has XP version 2002. The font on the Ryu theme is huge and I actually kind of dig that theme. And I am afraid if I shrink it the size will be too small on newer computers and people will be all “Wtf, CB?!” and I’ll be like, “Fuck off, you do it then.” and then all my lovely blogger relationships will disintegrate all over font sizes and theme choices. Hey, that shit could happen.

A graphical depiction of a very simple css doc...

A graphical depiction of a very simple css document (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I like the Adelle, in fact I was waiting for WP to come out with something like that. But now that it’s here, it’s too cookie cutter to me. No offense if it’s yours. I have the upgrade so I could do CSS, but there is a slight problem. I only know Livejournal version of CSS because you can edit that shit. I can’t do CSS from scratch. I am a CSS interpreter. It would be really cool if WP worked like LJ and gave you something to edit versus a blank box that you have to place code into. I have a lot of time on my hands nowadays so maybe I could teach myself. Yeah, that’s probably unlikely.

I have a feeling by the time you’re reading this, Adelle will be my theme and you’ll be laughing at me. Ciao!

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