A time ago when I was still friends with Alice, I was babysitting Matt and Molly. I think it was visiting hours for Dipshidiot so of course Alice has to go see him.
I had both Matt and Molly in the bath and I was rinsing Molly’s head. She’s one of those babes that have little hair, all fine and wispy. Well, I don’t want to blame the girl, but as I was dumping a large cup of water onto her head, she moved suddenly and inhaled it. Well, not all of it. My initial reaction was along the lines of, “Oh fuck!”
Her eyes got huge and then she looked at me and it was if time had stopped. She grabbed my arm and got as face to face as she could with me and in her panic, I knew she shouldn’t see mine so I just looked at her with calmness. I didn’t even say anything, and not just because I wasn’t breathing either. I held her up as she was kneeling toward me and we had something similar to a staring contest, or deep connection. I was counting down in my head of when I needed to take action, and then she coughed.
I have never been more elated than when I heard her tiny little cough. It gradually became bigger and when she felt OK she simply let go of me and started playing with her toys as if it didn’t happen. She grabbed her cloth squish ball and threw it out of the tub — like she loves to do — and giggled up a storm.
I will never forget Molly. I won’t forget Matt either, as he as a huge personality, but he’s very independent. Molly taught me a lot. She taught me a lot about myself that I don’t think I would’ve known without her. Having to pick up on her cues, feed her, play with her, soothe her, clothe her, change her, teach her. Watching as she went from crawling to walking, formula to baby food to real food. Being out of my mind exhausted and at the same time still putting her and her needs first.
I really think Alice was a catalyst for me to experience what it’s like to have to put a child before yourself. And I never thought I would have enjoyed it as much as I did. Even the time where she threw up a whole 8 oz. bottle on me. It was projectile vomiting at it’s finest.
I miss Alice, too.