I cried last night. I cry most nights and then wake the next morning and feel fine, or better. Last night’s cry was more haunting than most.When I was 21 I had what they call a D&C because I was diagnosed with a miscarriage. My friend had gone through a miscarriage about 3 years before that and chose not to have the D&C and almost completely bled out. Had she made it to the hospital 5 minutes later, it would have been too late for her. That made my decision for me.
A couple of years ago I went in because my monthly cycles sucked. I was in pain all the time. The doctors figured it was endometriosis, but the only way of knowing was to do the laparoscopic surgery. My doctor told me it was the worst he had ever seen, that it was like a war zone in there. Fallopian tubes were clogged, one was attached to my uterus completely, there were adhesions everywhere and my uterus was adhered completely to my pelvic wall.
When I had had my D&C my mother was told by my doctor that they removed a lot of tissue. Nothing more was said after that. I never asked a question about what that meant because back then, I was relieved I went into early term pregnancy failure. I wasn’t ready to take on a child. Plus, pregnancy made me the most depressed I had ever been in my life. I don’t say that lightly. They also never told me that having a D&C could possibly cause intrauterine adhesions.
With having the severest form of endometriosis, this is what is said at endometriosis.org:
Moderate–severe endometriosis
In women with moderate–severe endometriosis, no well designed studies have looked at the effect of surgery on pregnancy rates [9].However, three studies seem to suggest that the more severe the endometriosis the lower the pregnancy rates following surgery [11, 12, 13]. In other words, it seems that women with severe endometriosis are less likely to become pregnant following surgery than women with mild or moderate endometriosis.
Nevertheless, some gynecologists believe that women with the most severe forms of endometriosis have the greatest improvements in pregnancy rates following surgery [14]. In other words, surgery seems to increase their chances of becoming pregnant proportionally more than women with less severe endometriosis.
Bottom line is I will not know my chances of having a child until I am on insurance and get the tests. The idea that the option is no longer mine scares me. I’d rather choose to be child-free with the capability of changing my mind than having my body decide for me. I think all women would. We want more than ever what we cannot have.
And if I am going to be honest here, I don’t want to be child-free.
Related articles
- Endometriosis: Hollywood Mom Tia Mowry’s Story (kolorblindmag.com)
- Understanding Miscarriages (medwritersite.wordpress.com)
That sounds horrible. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Hopefully the tests will come back with good news. Even when they don’t, sometimes there are surprises. Don’t give up hope.
Hope you’re feeling better.
Rohan.
This really sucks, but don’t go jumping to any conclusions! There are some great treatments for endo, and lots of women still get pregnant all by themselves. That was just one thing one doctor said, and one thing you read on one website. Every patient is different and responds differently! Like I said, it sucks that it happened and that you weren’t informed about the risks of D&C. However, you likely would have developed endo even if you had never had it done. <3
I think I had the endo well before the miscarriage.
((Hugs))
I pray for good news for you… and I know it sounds cliche but it always seems to work out in the end… I actually remind myself of this all the time… I know sometimes it feels like things will never be ok again, and yet they always, always, always eventually are… cry if you need to – deep down sobbing cleanses and heals the soul… *BIG HUGZ* to you CB…
You can figure out a way to have a child if you really want. I did in vitro, but there are so many other options (as I’m sure you know). I know someone who went through what you did and it was a horrific experience for them. I feel for you.
I am so sorry, when a choice is taken away from us, it is a miserable feeling ! I hope that you will be able to make the choice for yourself one day, and I am sending all my happiest thoughts to you today. =) Not to make this about me, but I tried for 9 years before I had my daughter, and it happened naturally, after all. I know this is stressful, but believe it will happen for you, if you wish. Have a lovely day. =)
You are too sweet !
I am glad you told me that, it actually makes me feel a lot better about my “impending doom” that I tend to lay on myself. Thank you. You have a lovely day as well.
i was diagnosed with the worst kind of endo a girl can have at the age of 17. seriously bad. describing it like a war zone is probably a good analogy. the doctor told me then that i probably would never have kids, and if i wanted them…. i better have them then. i decided being a teen mom would not be the ideal and i waited a couple of years, but did have a child… after TWO laproscopic surgeries to clear the adhesions away. i didn’t do any sort of fertility treatments. i just fell pregnant and my body knew what to do. it was incredibly hard for me to get pregnant later in life, and i adopted another child when i was a bit older. however…. 11 years later…. i fell pregnant again, with stage 4 endo. no fertility aids. i tell you this to give you hope. even if you are confirmed to have the worst of the worst endo… you CAN, in fact, have babies, and i know… because i do.
((hugs)) to you. i remember walking of the doctors office at 17 and falling into a heap on the sidewalk in tears, feeling like you feel now. doctors are not god though. we should be thankful for that. xoxo
Wow, thank you so much for sharing that with me. That makes me feel so much better. You seriously have taken the worry I was feeling away. It’s also really cool you adopted, I’ve always thought of adopting when I am ready. Thank you again. And I am so happy that what you wanted worked out for you. That’s awesome.
you’re welcome. it can work out for you too. motherhood comes for every women. believe me, it does not always come the way we think it will. it finds us though if we really want it. each of my sons is special and a blessing — and your children will find you…. when you are ready for them. just keep your head up. your blessings will find you too.