I cried last night. I cry most nights and then wake the next morning and feel fine, or better. Last night’s cry was more haunting than most.When I was 21 I had what they call a D&C because I was diagnosed with a miscarriage. My friend had gone through a miscarriage about 3 years before that and chose not to have the D&C and almost completely bled out. Had she made it to the hospital 5 minutes later, it would have been too late for her. That made my decision for me.
A couple of years ago I went in because my monthly cycles sucked. I was in pain all the time. The doctors figured it was endometriosis, but the only way of knowing was to do the laparoscopic surgery. My doctor told me it was the worst he had ever seen, that it was like a war zone in there. Fallopian tubes were clogged, one was attached to my uterus completely, there were adhesions everywhere and my uterus was adhered completely to my pelvic wall.
When I had had my D&C my mother was told by my doctor that they removed a lot of tissue. Nothing more was said after that. I never asked a question about what that meant because back then, I was relieved I went into early term pregnancy failure. I wasn’t ready to take on a child. Plus, pregnancy made me the most depressed I had ever been in my life. I don’t say that lightly. They also never told me that having a D&C could possibly cause intrauterine adhesions.
With having the severest form of endometriosis, this is what is said at endometriosis.org:
In women with moderate–severe endometriosis, no well designed studies have looked at the effect of surgery on pregnancy rates .
However, three studies seem to suggest that the more severe the endometriosis the lower the pregnancy rates following surgery [11, 12, 13]. In other words, it seems that women with severe endometriosis are less likely to become pregnant following surgery than women with mild or moderate endometriosis.
Nevertheless, some gynecologists believe that women with the most severe forms of endometriosis have the greatest improvements in pregnancy rates following surgery . In other words, surgery seems to increase their chances of becoming pregnant proportionally more than women with less severe endometriosis.
Bottom line is I will not know my chances of having a child until I am on insurance and get the tests. The idea that the option is no longer mine scares me. I’d rather choose to be child-free with the capability of changing my mind than having my body decide for me. I think all women would. We want more than ever what we cannot have.
And if I am going to be honest here, I don’t want to be child-free.