Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women’s Sexual Fantasies (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I’m not one to read sex blogs. They make me uncomfortable. There is probably some deep seeded Freudian psychological reasoning behind how I once was very comfortable with sex and talking about it into recently being uncomfortable and uncertain. It’s a complete love hate relationship.
I wanted to be a Suicide Girl when I first discovered them at the age of 18-20. I’m not endorsing the alternative pornography website, I am just letting you peek to see what it is if you’re curious. I actually applied 2 separate times and was accepted, but never sent in any photo shoots. Some girls shot their own pictures and some knew photographers in their areas.
A major part of society believes any young woman wanting to expose herself to the public must have some deep-rooted daddy issues. Or they were molested when they were young. Or they have low self-esteem.
Me? The only possible daddy issue I could have is that he was absent a lot due to his military career and interest in hanging out in bars. No one ever molested me, except Ivan — but I was 14 and I think that makes a slight difference than if you’re molested more than just one time. I was innocent, but I was not naïve. I had an instinct it was going to happen before it did, I was just scared to get out of it because I didn’t know what he was capable of. I’ve also never had any self-esteem issues. I have been depressed, I have had mental breakdowns, but I’ve always had a moderate to high self-esteem.
My own opinion is that I turn myself on and it turns me on and is kind of a high turning other people on. The draw back is you cannot control who is turned on by you and that, my friends, is why I would never be a stripper. With the site, you don’t have to know who’s looking at you. Another draw back is that I would NEVER want my dad to come across me. That makes me feel icky, real icky.
I would post the picture that inspired this post, but I’m not without thinking of my readers and I am sure not all of you would appreciate coming across it in your reader without warning. So I shall describe it. It was a young exotic woman with long brown wavy hair, think Cindy Crawford hair. Whom was wearing a school girl skirt, posed on a set of stairs looking down at the camera which caught the perfect shot of her red panties.
I am a self-proclaimed heterosexual. But I would be lying my ass off if I didn’t say that I not only found it sexy, but my lady parts responded in excitement. I have always found women to be more attractive than men. Yes, there are cute men. There are hot men. I’ve never described a man as being sexy. I’m very happy to own a vagina instead of a penis. In my head I just think sexy is a term for women.
Sex (heterosexual sex) has felt good, but I’ve never had an orgasm. It usually happens that when I get close, they suddenly lose control and it’s done. I don’t believe myself to be a slut, but I have had my fair share of partners and as I have mentioned, I once was very comfortable with sex.
For me it’s hard to believe there is true bisexuality. I think it’s rare that it’s a 50/50 split. I think people who claim to be bisexual past the age of 25 are just a being of opportunity. I think all people know what sex they predominantly want to be with. It’s like with anything else: For ice cream I prefer chocolate, but if there is only vanilla I will take vanilla.
You can’t know if you like something until you try it. I’m more picky about women than I am about men. I also do not like video graphic pornography. Yet, if I do ever watch it, why do I prefer 2 women instead of a man and a woman? Why does a scantily clad woman turn me on and a really hot guy doesn’t give me any sexually physical response?
I wonder, am I a wolf in sheep’s clothing?
Related articles
- Why Online Porn May Make You Forget (livescience.com)
- On nude photographs (bareskinned.wordpress.com)
- Can You Be Sexually Gay and & Romantically Straight? ~ Lyla Cicero (elephantjournal.com)
- Never Had an Orgasm (everydayhealth.com)
- Sorry Second Wave Feminists, Porn Stars Are Actually Emotionally Stable, Self-Confident Women Who Weren’t Molested as Kids (jezebel.com)
Very well-wrriten and very open. Definitely an interesting read…
Thank you.
I feel the same as you about almost everything you said, even to the point of wanting to be a Suicide Girl at one point (but my reasons were more along the lines of what others assume: daddy issues, low self-esteem, etc.). I don’t really put a lot of thought into it a label, but in spite of all this, I still consider myself heterosexual.
I had to laugh while reading this. Very good! Very good, indeed. Like you, I consider myself heterosexual, but I’ve experimented once with a friend when I was a teenager and it was kind of fun. I also find women way more attractive than men. I wonder, if the opportunity presented itself in the right place, at the right time… what would I do about it?
DH likes to tease me when I get excited about my “dates” with KM: He asks me if I’m bringing my crotchless unitard and if we are planning on scissoring (reference: Southpark). He doesn’t understand the real reasons I am excited about my dates, but I do know he’s joking. But once, I thought to myself: what if it came up… what would I do…?
I hope that is playful teasing because I have known guys to be like that when their girlfriends/wives went anywhere without them and it was more like a jealous/control thing.
I would think if maybe you weren’t married you’d act on it just to see what it’s like as an adult, if the right opportunity came up.
I can’t say I wouldn’t be tempted if it wasn’t a really sexy lipstick lesbian. Unless they’re in hiding, I’ve not a chance to meet one.
Oh, no, it is definitely not a control thing. DH genuinely finds it hilarious how giddy and excited I get anytime I have a “date” with KM. It probably is pretty hilarious to think of: A grown woman, getting all bent out of shape about going for coffe with (gasp!) another grown woman!
Yeah, haha. I get that way with my friend Alexandra. She is such a breath of fresh air compared to the friendship I had with Alice.