This writing prompt couldn’t come at any more weird* of a time. December 19th will mark the 13th un-anniversary to this.
I’m going to take it a step further by adding this will be something I will never tell my mom. She knows I blog, she knows I am very open, but since she has shown no interest in reading, if she ever does – this one will be buried so I have no worries.
A couple of weeks or so ago you asked me a very difficult question. You asked why I didn’t tell you about the event that occurred until years later. You asked why I didn’t report it even bringing up the fact that you would have because you always think of “what if it happens to another?”. You said had I told you you would have gone after the little fucker. I was able to easily come up with how you always think if you were ever raped or attacked in any way, you’d tell, you’d report it — but in actuality, sometimes you can’t find your voice to report it, to tell. Telling my best friend was hard. She was the first person I told that morning after it happened because she was with me and I felt so disgusting I needed to spew it out. You picked me up from the house we were at and when I got in the car you were spitting nails because you were so mad I’d lied to you and you were up all night worrying. I started to tell you and you said to me, “That’s what you get for going places you don’t belong and hanging out with people you shouldn’t be.”
So, no. I didn’t hide it from you then. I didn’t try to keep it to myself. I tried to tell you. That is something you will never know. The major reasons being I wouldn’t want to hurt you and I know you’d deny it. I don’t place blame on you, but when you’re 14 and after something that damaging happens to you and a person says you deserved it. It’s hard.
*This is the 19th prompt written on the 14th day in the month of December. December 19th is when the incident took place. Yesterday was the 13th of December and it was yesterday I told my friend who was with me that night what my mom said to me. The event was 13 years ago and I was 14 years old.
- Fuck You, Rape Culture (jezebel.com)