Why does it feel like yesterday when in reality I’ve been without you for at least 6 years? Why do I continue to produce tears when something reminds me of you? Why does the thought of you make me feel like only a cigarette can calm me down? I don’t understand. I don’t understand any of this. I didn’t think experiencing a first true love would ever scar me like this. Why does it seem like everyone else who have had firsts healed better than this? I have had relationships since you, I have told them I loved them. Was I really lying? I suck at lying so it seems more bizarre.
I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.
I hate you for this.
But maybe it’s me I hate.
For being up so late.
Indulging in these feelings for you.
When you’re probably sleeping.
I should be sleeping, too.
I understand these feelings very well… it seems there are certain people you just cannot shake… they are with you for always and seem to ‘pop up’ in your mind/heart when you least expect it…
They really do. I’m obviously still not sleeping, but your words really help. I think I can sleep now. So, thank you.
There you are. Beautiful and sad. Under it all. Like a crack of light between storm-clouds.
Hope you’re feeling better today.
((HUGS))
Thank you, Panda. I think I will be. Pre-coffee so we shall see.
I married my first love from college. She broke my heart when she asked for a divorce. There are days I can’t get her out of my head and days when I don’t think about her. First loves are the toughest.
I sometimes wonder how my life would be if I hadn’t tasted first love yet. Or at such a young age. I guess it doesn’t matter though.
I am sorry to hear it’s didn’t work out between you and her. Divorces seem like the toughest ever. *hugs*
It’s all so familiar. {{Hug}}
wow! this is big! It’s very courageous of u to share your thoughts and feelings, xoxo
Aw thank you so much!